We all arrived late Wednesday night, nearly midnight, with a magnificent thunder and lightening storm greeting us, followed by a refreshing rain. Coming from record heat 115 degrees in Gilbert, AZ, the rain was a nice welcome.
I knew what the weekend would consist of: riding ATV's, hiking, mountain biking, roasting marshmallows, playing board games, putting together puzzles, and eating...endless eating. With our group of friends I knew that there would also be some drinking going on and I was anxious prior to our departure to know if I was pregnant or not. So, the big question loomed at the beginning of the week...to test, or not to test.
There is an OBGYN office near our home that advertises free pregnancy tests with no appointment needed. I decided since I wouldn't be wasting money buying my own EPT (early pregnancy test), and really wanted to know prior to our trip, that I would go ahead and take the pregnancy test.
Driving to their office, my heart raced. I told myself over and over again, "expect a negative, that way if it does come out negative you won't be disappointed." I walked into their office and a nurse almost immediately lead me back to their restroom and handed me the clear little cup to fill, instructing me to return to the waiting room and they'd have the results in a few minutes. Btw, I drank nearly a GALLON of water throughout the morning to prep, so I nearly yanked that cup out of her hand!
I anxiously waited for the nurse, trying to busy myself with my iPhone...Facebook/Instagram/Candy crush (don't EVEN think about starting to play that game, it's terribly addictive!) And no more then two minutes later, the nurse came through those doors with a smile on her face and asked me back to treatment room. Telling myself, "she's just being polite and smiling, don't look into it any more then that!" I entered the room, and as I sat on the table she asked if I had missed my period yet. "No," I confessed. "It's supposed to come this weekend, but I thought I'd try and see if anything showed up." With a half smile, she reported that the test was negative, and if I did miss my period to come back and they'd test me again.
I raced out of that office as fast as I possibly could without making eye contact with anyone. Embarrassed I had even thought anything would come up early. I got into my car, shed a few tears of disappointment, and thought to myself, there are always false negatives, and there could still be a possibility.
So, we packed for our trip. Bringing beers for my husband, and bottles of water for me. I drank a few drinks while I was there, but still unsure I kept the drinking to a minimum.
Of course I have two ovulation tracker apps on my iPhone, one saying that I was supposed to get my period the 6th, one saying I was supposed to get it the 8th. Well, the 6th came and went, then the 7th, and this morning my husband asked me if he wanted me to have him go buy a test. I replied that if I didn't get it today, we'd buy one tomorrow.
The absolute worst is the waiting. I feel like today has been the longest day of my life. And at 6:30 this evening, it finally came. No tears this time though. Just a better understanding of what I want next month to be like.
I am a very open person, and as soon as we started trying to conceive, I basically let everyone know: his family, my family, our close friends. It just wasn't something I wanted to hide. This is a very exciting time for us, and a very big deal, and I just couldn't imagine keeping that from people close to us. I talked with a close friend of mine this past week and told her about going to take the pregnancy test prior to missing my period, and she completely advised me against doing it again. Explaining that even her sister took nearly a year to conceive, and that I was just putting more pressure on myself.
That's the thing though, I don't feel pressure. I would feel more pressure to keep this a secret then the other way around. But I will admit, next month I will not even think of testing unless I miss my period. The waiting game after ovulating and awaiting my period is absolutely excruciating though! The thing I would like to work on this next month though, is my emotions. I would like to keep them a little more under control. Letting my mind wander a little less and keeping my self more busy to not think about it.
I also would like to try some diet changes and look a little more into a fertility diet. So the next few posts will consist of incorporating the diet into our lifestyle, as well as some projects I have tackled the past few weeks to keep myself busy. Here's a little teaser of what's to come:
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