Our BIG Announcement

Well I guess it's time for the world to know ... Charlotte is going to be a BIG SISTER!!

We found out just before Christmas and couldn't wait to share the exciting news with our close friends and family. 

Mommy has been feeling really good for the most part, even able to keep up with her new workout program 4-5 days out of the week. Still in normal clothes, but loving stretchy yoga pants and pj's. Pregnancy pillow (The Bump Nest) has a so re-entered the picture, and Charlotte is loving it more than momma!

This week, Sweet Baby Rials is the size of a plum, just over 2 inches and weighing in at 1/2 an ounce. Most of baby's critical systems are fully formed. Baby's about to enter the growth and maturation stage, in which organs and tissues will grow and develop rapidly. Baby is now developing reflexes, if you poke Baby, likely will move.

Stay tuned as I'll be doing weekly updates again during this pregnancy, excited to share this experience with all of you!

15 Months: Making Waves at Swim Lessons

Well, to say it's been a while since I last blogged is the understatement of the year.  But my BFF Erin posted last night her birth story of having her twins and I was inspired to set aside some time at least once a month to update the world on our beautiful Charlotte.

This week's adventure: Swim Lessons

Jeremy and I went back and forth for nearly two weeks after coming back from our Hawaiian adventure on what type of swim lessons we should enroll Charlotte in.  We went to the pool with a few friends that weekend and Charlotte was stepping off the edge into the deep end where daddy could catch her.  This little girl has adventure and fearlessness written all over her.  I know this from previously enrolling her in infant swim that having children jump into your arms in the pool gives them a false sense of security and leads them to believe that if and when they fall in a pool someone will always be there to catch them.

She LOVES the water and all last week I was letting her go under water as she stepped off the pool bench to me and immediately turning her to float on her back.  She did so without tears, but a bit of hesitation with floating.

We struggled between the decision to put her in a two week advanced swim class where she goes 4x/wk for 30 minute session, or ISR (which is learning safety techniques) 5x/wk for 10 min.  It came down to budget, and for the next two weeks she'll be enrolled in SwimKids USA Jump Start program.

Yesterday was her first lesson and thankfully the other two children didn't show up because she as soon as I handed her off to her instructor, the tears came.  She held onto his swim shirt with a death grip and anytime he pulled her away to sit on the step, hold onto the wall, change position, her world was coming to an end.

I found myself glancing from left to right, sure I would be getting side glances from all of the other parents as I had "that" child who was going to hate to learn to swim.  But what I found were empathetic eyes as moms and dads shared their children did the same.  HUGE internal sigh of relief!  But I was also a bit in shock about how uncomfortable she was.  She LOVES the water....what's her deal?

Well her morning nap was 20 minutes at best, with nearly 30 minutes of crying to get there; and I had to wake her up from her afternoon nap to get to swim.  She usually eats right after nap, and I didn't get a chance to feed her anything, and on top of all of that, she's got 3 teeth coming in, one of which is a molar (yes, it's been a rough few weeks).

After about half of the session had passed, her instructor slowly made his way toward me and asked, "does she like fishy crackers by any chance?"  Our go-to mute button, OF COURSE SHE DOES! I think I said that a little too enthusiastically.  Well, ONE fish did the trick....ONE!

A whole new toddler emerged and she rocked the second half of her lesson.  She floated on her back, head resting on his shoulder.  She sat on the step like a big girl for over a minute without needing prompting to stay put.  She held onto the edge of the pool wall independently for 30+ seconds, and she even went under water a few times without flinching.

Today she'll head to swim with daddy, so I'm interested to see if that makes any difference.  I also wonder if she'll be the only one again, or if her two partners in crime will show up.  I never quite understood when mother's told me, after expressing my unconditional love for my daughter, that "it only gets better."  But man is that true.  I am LOVING this stage of development, making huge leaps with her vocabulary, learning to swim, being her adorable sassy self.  Yes, it's exhausting being in constant learning mode, but she's taking it all in stride and I couldn't be more proud of the little girl that she is becoming.

Here's a few pics from her first official lesson:

Floating on her back:

Sitting like a big girl on the step:

Holding onto the wall all by herself:

Charlotte Rose: 7 months

I think I've started every one of Charlotte update posts exactly the same way...where the hell have the last 7 months gone?!  I seriously feel like I blinked and my baby is graduating from college haha!  Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but still.

But I don't yearn for the newborn days.  Being a therapist that worked with children, all I wanted to see was growth, milestones met, goals achieved.  I look forward to her crawling and walking, swimming, jumping, talking, saying mama, much more then I like looking back.  I actually had another mom explain the first few months of her daughters life to me, and a light switch went off...."YES, me too!"

What did she say?  She said she felt like she missed out on the first few months of her daughters life because of postpartum depression.

First though, we'll talk about the good (because tears in the first 5 minutes of writing are never a good way to start).

Charlotte was one of the first names I mentioned to Jeremy that I liked.  I wanted to nickname her Charlie...so cute, right?!  When our sweet babe entered the world and we brought her home, Jeremy started calling her Lottie.  I was not so sure about this new nickname, but I didn't feel like Charlie fit her either, she's too girly for it I think.  But the more he used Lottie, the more it grew on me.

So what's our Lottie up to these days?

• She's 15.5 pounds, 25.25 inches long
• Rolling
• Sitting independently
• Army crawling
• Standing with one hand support
• "Dances" when her music toys play
• Trying to walk along the couch
• Starting to sign milk and wave
• Going underwater at swim class (holding her breath and closing her eyes)
• LOVES splashing in the pool and bath water
• Eating mashed: bananas, carrots, avocado, and pears - and a mixture of them as well
• Almost sleeping through the night
• 2+ naps/day

She is such an observer, and is always looking around to see what's going on.  She only sleeps in the car or in her crib/playpen because if we're anywhere else she needs to be a nosy nelly and be all up in everyone's business.  She loves her play dates with her friends Sage, Ryah, and Tatum; and likes going on walks with baby Leo and baby Sarah.  She loves visiting her great grandma every week after swim practice and blowing her raspberries.

Well...after all that good stuff, I don't want to relive the bad.  So for today, I think I'll end it with some adorable 7 month pictures of beautiful babe.

Week 10: Surgery...tomorrow???

Well, the recovery road continues...

I knew that this day was a possibility as I went into my doctor's appointment Tuesday June 24 knowing deep down that this new cream hadn't worked, that my body hadn't somehow changed it's mind and started to heal itself like it should have long ago.

I guess I should back up a little, as some don't know the full history of my recovery issues.  From about 10 days postpartum I have been in and out of doctor's offices on a weekly if not daily basis.  Whether that be my OBGYN, the lactation consultant, pediatric appointments for Charlotte, or tongue tie procedures; we have been on the go from early on.

My OB noticed from around week 4 that my tear was not healing as it should and started interventions at that point.  I had also done some things on my own, including sitz baths, using essential oils, resting as much as possible.  But even with medical interventions, my tear was not healing.  They would have me try something new for a couple of weeks and then come in for a follow up appointment, where minimal, if any, progress had been made.

At week 9 my OB thought that we should go ahead and schedule surgery to assist in repairing the tissue.  She had an additional doctor come in for a second opinion and he suggested estrogen cream for one more week, and if no improvement at that point, surgical repair would be the final step.  So, I went in for my follow up on Tuesday and she said, "How's tomorrow work for you?"

It's been three days since my surgery and it somehow still feels like a dream, that this isn't really happening to me, and I'm ready to wake up from this nightmare and be back to normal.

I've never had surgery before, never had to be put under anesthesia for anything, so I was nervous to say the least.  My biggest concern was nursing Charlotte, and keeping my supply up if I had to take a break from feeding due to medications.  My doctor reassured me that I would be able to feed her once before going into surgery, and that I may have to pump and dump once, but then could go back to our normal feeding schedule.

With only 24 hours notice, I started pumping every session I was nursing Charlotte on the opposite side (BIG thanks to Elisa for sharing this advice with me!!).  I wold be gone for about 6 hours and wanted to prevent giving her formula as much as possible.  I know giving her formula isn't that big of a deal to most people out there, but it does in fact give her a bit of digestive issues, and I just feel better feeding her my milk.  So, somehow, I managed to pump nearly 10 ounces by the time I left for the hospital.

My mom, without hesitation, immediately came up to help us out.  She stayed home with Charlotte while Jeremy and I made the all too familiar trek to the hospital.  We had to check in at 1:00 pm on Wednesday and the surgery was scheduled for 3:00 pm.  I brought my pump to the hospital and was able to pump just before they wheeled me back.

My doctor came in first, after the pre-op nurse took my vitals, put in my IV and prepped me for surgery.  She reassured me again that I would be able to nurse Charlotte after pumping and dumping once and I felt relieved. She answered all of my questions honestly and matter of factually.  The anesthesiologist came in next with the nurse who would be with me during surgery.  I do feel it's important to note that he was male (and has no idea what breastfeeding and formula mean to an exclusively breastfeeding mama).  I asked him when I would be able to feed Charlotte next and he told me 24 hours after surgery.  I immediately started crying.  He explained why, and the nurses asked why I was so upset.  Other then the fact that I wouldn't be able to feed my daughter, I was scared.  I didn't know what any of this would be like, how would recovery be this time around, would this surgery actually work?  So, she offered to give me something to calm me down.  I kissed Jeremy goodbye, and they wheeled me back to surgery.

I don't remember much about the operating room.  I recall them saying they would put an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth and it would smell like a beach ball, but don't remember that actually happening.  The next thing I remember, I was was waking up in the recovery room crying.  The nurse asked what was wrong, and I said I just wanted to be able to nurse Charlotte.  She was...a witch to put it nicely.  She said something along the lines of, "why do you want to give your baby all those drungs?!"  Thanks for the empathy lady, I appreciate it!  I asked over and over for Jeremy and she said it would be an hour before I would be able to see him.

Thankfully another nurse came on shift and was so much more pleasant and helpful; amazing actually.  She immediately put me at ease and assisted Jeremy with getting me ready to go back home.  Jeremy said my doctor came out and talked to him, explaining everything had gone well.  That they didn't have to take out as much tissue as she though she was originally going to have to, and said she would call me later on that evening to check up on me.

On our way home she did in fact call.  She immediately apologized for the poor bedside manner of the anesthesiologist.  She explained that she called the anesthesiologist that she normally works with in OB surgeries (who by the way is a woman, and was out of town on vacation) and explained to her what medications I received and at what dosage.  This anesthesiologist said what my doctor had originally told me.  Pump and dump once and get back to nursing my daughter.  I have never felt more taken care of by a person in the medical field as I did at that point.

So where do we go from here?  My doctor explained to me that she believes I will heal in about two weeks.  So, I made my follow up appointment and we'll just have to wait and see.  I know that this is a very minor set back.  I didn't have any problems conceiving, my pregnancy was pretty uneventful, and although I had a long labor, I came home with a beautiful baby girl.  I'm otherwise in great health, but I can't help but feel as though my body has betrayed me.

Tuesday night, the night before my surgery, I laid in bed nursing my daughter and crying to my husband.  Not understanding why this is happening to me.  What lesson am I supposed to be learning from all of this?  Patience? Understanding that everything isn't in my control?  It just doesn't seem fair.  I'm not holding my breath this is going to be a fix all, it hasn't been that way up until this point.  My glass is half empty.  I don't want to get my hopes up and go back in two weeks just to hear it hasn't gone as well as I hoped it would.

Good vibes my way would be much appreciated!

Charlotte Rose: Week 7

 We are quickly approaching the 8 week mark...2 months already?!  How is this possible?  The time has flown by and I can't believe how much I have learned in the past couple of weeks.  I'm definitely hoping to blog more frequently then once a month, but not pressuring myself into that.  I would love to record every little detail of our babe, but I'm also realistic on the expectations of my own time.

Something I wanted to discuss this post was the topic of attachment parenting.  Surprisingly, when I was pregnant, I did not go into information overload.  I am definitely a Type-A personality and have bought books upon books, as well as researched many of topics that have come up throughout my adult life.  But while pregnant, that was the last thing I wanted to do.  I wanted to experience things on my own without others opinions or unneeded information clouding my own judgement.  Of course when things popped up, like my Group B Strep test results, I researched enough to fulfill my own needs, but again tried not to overload on the information. (my husband might have a different opinion on that last statement)

This was also true with how we were going to parent our new baby.  I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and we had registered for a bassinet so the baby could sleep next to us the first few months.  But other then that, I guess we wanted to see how things went before committing to anything.

I had heard of co-sleeping, and always thought to myself, "aren't the afraid of rolling over onto their baby, or SIDS, ...and what about how it effect the relationship with their significant other???"  I had also heard of baby wearing, and had registered for the baby k'tan as I had heard good reviews.  We had friends who raved about wearing their babies throughout the day, how much easier it made their lives, and despite other's opinions of their children becoming "clingy" it was actually quite the opposite.

Once Charlotte got here and we attempted breastfeeding, I was quick to learn it was just easier to keep her in bed with us as we were feeding on demand rather then trying to set some sort of schedule.  She always seemed to wake up when I tried to put her back into the bassinet after nursing; and when she woke up and wanted to nurse, I could more quickly attend to her needs if she was already in the bed with us.  Less crying = happier baby and mama (and daddy).

I haven't been the best at wearing Charlotte.  Her favorite position is over the shoulder, and the only position I had learned to put her in the sling was the "Newborn Kangaroo" position.  She didn't really like this as her favorite position is being high up over the shoulder to explore.  As she's gotten older we have been able to adapt to new positions that I think will work better for us, and she actually ends up falling asleep while I do dishes or laundry, which is great!

Keeping Charlotte so close all the time has helped nurture our bond. I feel like I am more able to efficiently meet her needs as it has made me more attentive and I've learned to interpret her nonverbal cues.  For example, I know when she whines and doesn't really cry or get red in the face she usually needs a diaper change.  If she's smacking her lips or eating her hands she's hungry.  If I don't catch those cues fast enough and she starts to cry and get red in the face I know she's hungry.  So I would say we naturally fell into attachment parenting.

The thing I didn't expect was thinking I'd be judged on these techniques.  I'm always hesitant to tell people we're co-sleeping, and I think that's because I was quick to judge others prior to having my own child.  I've learned throughout this process to be willing to be flexible.  This works for us now, but it may not in a few months.  We'll just have to wait and see.

In other news, mom and baby are doing well.  I'm still not fully healed but I have been cleared to do some light exercise.  I am so ecstatic about this, and know it will also help me mentally.  We are currently breastfeeding with shields.  Our lactation consultant would like me to gradually stop using them and attempt nursing without, but I'm addicted.  It's just so easy to put them on and she latches right away.  Without is...well, it's work.  I feel like they're my crutch and I just need to put them away for a few hours and really try.  Maybe that'll be my goal for the rest of the week.

Charlotte is amazing!  She is so much more alert, I can tell her vision is improving as she will track things that are further away from her.  She is doing really well during tummy time and is keeping her head up off the play mat a couple of inches for a minute or so at a time.  She is starting to coo and her voice is getting louder.  She does this little yelp as a warning cry before she gets really mad, which I think is so cute.  She smiles so much more during the mornings, especially when I'm changing her diaper.  We got my mom an iPad for Mother's Day and have been face-timing a couple of times a week.

I'll add some pictures soon of our many adventures...

Charlotte Rose: 1 Month!

I can't believe my baby is one month old today!  This past weekend was full of fun and celebration as we spent time with our family and friends for my first Mother's Day and my birthday was the next day.

Charlotte and Jeremy had a beautiful ring made for me by our family friend Harry down in Sierra Vista.  They used some stones from a ring my parents had given me and designed a new setting.  The emerald stone is my birth stone and the diamonds on the sides are April's birthstone for Charlotte.  I think it turned out perfectly, I absolutely love it.

Beautiful birthday and Mother's Day gifts

I was also spoiled by my family and friends as we celebrated Saturday at one of our favorite restaurants Liberty Market.  Everyone who hadn't yet met Charlotte was able to hold her and she did VERY well!  She slept nearly the entire time and was so good.  We call her our little people pleaser as she is so good when we have visitors or are visiting others, but when it's just Jeremy and I at home, boy does she exercise those lungs!

Elise with baby Charlotte

Update on Charlotte:  We have had two doctor's appointments this week.  We visited the lactation consultant on Monday and she thinks her tongue-tie is healing very well with improved range of motion in her tongue and jaw.  She also thinks that even though we're using a shield during feedings, her lip tie is improving and she's not curling her lip under nearly as much as she was.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn't have to have her upper lip tie done as well, but we'll find that out on Friday at our follow up appointment.

We also went to see our favorite doctor: Dr. Ross at We Care Family Wellness Center.  He is an osteopath and is working on Charlotte to improve her neck and jaw range of motion.

We are also working on tummy time and improving her neck strength.  She is awake for longer periods of time and much more alert when she is awake.  She loves looking around and exploring.  She is on the verge of smiling/laughing, it's going to be any day now I can feel it! 

Although this is Charlotte's play gym where she practices tummy time, the cats seem to love it more then she does!

We are going on our first roadtrip tomorrow.  (This is Jeremy's idea by the way)  We will be driving down to Sierra Vista to visit my parents as it's my mom's birthday. 

mini photo shoot on her one month birthday

Uncle Travis made a visit and spent some time with baby Charlie

We got to view some of Charlotte's newborn pictures, this is one of my favorites

Charlotte Rose Week 2-3: Reality Check

It has definitely been a trying couple of weeks for us. Like everything else, I though we'd get the hang of breastfeeding fairly easily, but we have been proven wrong. I never knew how much went into feeding your infant; the mechanics of not just her, but you as well.  And how much anatomy plays a huge role in it. 

We started having issues about 10 days in. I was so uncomfortable sitting and nursing, due to the recovery from delivery, that I was attempting to nurse Charlotte in a variety of positions. Soon after I started to feel pain when breastfeeding on my right side. In fact, I had encountered some tissue damage leaving me to pump on my right side. So we were exclusively breastfeeding only on the left. Within days, my left side started to suffer from tissue damage as well and Charlotte was having difficulty staying latched on and had started to click when nursing. 

Things progressed very rapidly and I was in excruciating pain, dreading our next feeding session. With multiple calls to various lactation consultants, we were finally seen Tues April 29 at the ArizonaBreastfeeding  Center.  I immediately fell in love with our consultant Jennie. The atmosphere of the treatment rooms were very nice with many different options of comfy seating. Thankfully my mom was with me for this appointment and was able to help out with Charlotte while I spoke with the lactation consultant. 

Her diagnosis was that I did not have thrush, which I was thankful for. This meant Charlotte didn't have it either and hopefully recovery would be more simple. We did discover however that I have a bacterial infection in both breasts and was on the verge of mastitis. The consultant recommended I rent a hospital grade breast pump for the next couple of weeks to help with the healing process and make pumping easier as I was unable to breastfeeding at all. In addition, I was prescribed a topical ointment that has nearly resolved all of my pain thus far. 

When it came to Charlotte's turn, things weren't so simple. The consultant suggested we get an evaluation for tongue-tie as soon as possible, as well as upper lip tie. If she in fact had them severely enough, it was possible for her to have a procedure by the end of the week to improve her latch. In addition, her jaw and neck were very tight, limiting her ability to open her mouth for a correct latch.   This was Tuesday, by Wednesday we had her tongue-tie evaluation, Thursday an appointment with her pediatrician for a second opinion as well as to work on her neck and jaw since he is also an Osteopath, and by Friday we were taking her in to get her tongue-tie corrected.

It was a whirlwind of a week but I'm so thankful we got this taken care of when we did.  She was fussy for a few days, and infant Tylenol definitely helped with that.  We are being very diligent with her mouth and tongue exercises to improve her range of motion with her tongue as well as improve her sucking ability and jaw range of motion.

And although all of Charlotte's issues have been addressed it has been emotionally taxing for me.  Pumping is no fun at all!  If I'm lucky enough to get 3 hours between feedings, half of that is taken up with pumping, taking care of myself, and then changing and feeding Charlotte.  We had to start implementing paced feedings, which means that when we feed her a bottle of breastmilk we can only have her take a few sucks of it, then do mouth exercises with her in between, stretching the feeding out to 20-25 minute sessions or else she guzzles the bottle within 5 minutes and wants more even though she is full to the brim.  And with Jeremy going back to work, my mom home for a few days, there were definitely some "Baby Blue" days in the mix.  Having to pump when Charlotte wouldn't stop crying definitely sent me into a sob session of my own.  

I have to say that I am so glad we are over that hump now and things are starting to get easier.  Here are a few pictures of our week:

Charlotte in the MommaRoo

Our first family walk around the neighborhood

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 Nap time with the peanut

Tiniest little finger nails

Cheeks for days!

Becoming more awake and alert